Cotton Hill Quotations From King of the Hill

Hank's cantankerous father, who lost his shins in WWII.

(on eating rats while in a Japanese POW camp)
I kept the last one alive so I could eat his droppings. Called it jungle rice. Tasted fine.
I killed fity men in WW2
((Tosses his keys on the table))
Them's the keys to my Cadillac car. The wife's not aloud in it unless she's in a bag in the trunk.
I got my shins blowed off by a Japan-Man's machine gun, so don't come cryin' to me with your problems!
(After Hank tells Cotton dinner isn't ready yet because it's only 3 in the afternoon.)
I can't eat excuses!
The only Charity I care about dances for money in a g-string.
Put your tatas up to Didi's tatas, we'll see who has the bigger MELONS!
C'mon grease monkey, Lets tango!
Hey Bobby, how ya like ya grandma's new tata's? Don't tell her, got 'em cheap... both lefties!
A man doesn't have to wear pants around the house if he doesn't want to.
(Hank gives Cotton a fruit basket Peggy made for him)
Is that a kiwi in there? You know how i feel about hairy fruit.
Sorry I'm late. I had to stop by the wax museum again and give the finger to FDR.
Hey Hank's Wife, if you have an opinion to share, why don't you go in the kitchen and put it in a bunt cake.
Them tojos came at me faster than i could gut 'em ,so i had to gut 'em faster.
(eating turkey dressing at Thanksgiving)
illie woman! Did you make this dressing?!? 'Cause it tastes like garbage!!!
Hey missy! How 'bout some sammiches?!
(After being arrested for Bobby burning down the church)
If I can take a bullet for my grandson I will.. But no in the face- Its how I makes my livin'
(After finding out Hank wears a synthetic behind)
Good God, Hank! You're wearing butt-boobies!
I didn't fight off a bunch of horny cadets just to get felt up by you.
That's a good one, Hank's Wife. A woman fixing a car, that's like a pig trying to read!
I don't take no anesthetic. Did Lincoln ask for any girlie gas when they blowed his head off?"

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