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Hank Hill Quotations From King of the Hill
Hank, who works as the assistant manager at Strickland Propane, likes to proclaim proudly that he sells "propane and propane accessories." ... more about Hank Hill
- I'm gonna kick your ass! I'm gonna kick it harder if you don't come here.
- (reading pamphlet)
"Cushioned shooting stands, heated blinds with automatic corn feeder". Well that's not hunting, that's shooting fish in a barrel.
- Bobby, you go pick something from the adventure section....anything about a boy with gumption should be fine.
- If you'd like to learn more about sexual education, don't! Nobody likes a know-it-all who sits around talking about their genitalia. Now, I think you might like this next show, The X-Files. I always thought it was some kind of porno, on account of the title, but turns out it's all about two young people who don't have sex. Now, that's entertainment!
- Yep, just walkin around in my lush, super plush, new lawn...
- Oh God no, an anthill on my new lawn!
- I've had about enough of this Christmas crap!
- Dang it, I am sick and tired of everyone's asinine ideas about me. I'm not a redneck, and I'm not some Hollywood jerk. I'm something else entirely. I'm... I'm complicated!
- (admiring Bill's new septic tank)
It's a shame we have to put her in the ground.
- Why would anyone ever smoke weed when they could just mow a lawn?
- (on finding Bobby in his room holding a cheerleader's uniform)
There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed.
- Peg, I'm trying to control an outbreak, and you're driving the monkey to the airport!
- Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you.
- An F in English? Bobby, you speak English!
- (referring to Ronald Reagan)
I miss voting for that man
- If your sorority has to sell jam to buy beer, you're drinking too much.
- So are you Chinese or Japanese?
- Bobby, I want to give you this cup. It was made from the finest American steel ever to come out of Pittsburgh, PA.
- I tell you what, you can take a safety course, and if you're still interested in guns after they've taken all the fun out of it, we'll go to the tournament.
- You can't compete with this guy. He's a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.
- I sell propane and propane accessories.
- You, uh, you're my son, you know, with everything that entails... feelings of fondness and more... You know what I mean, don’t you, boy?
- Dallas? I don't want you goin' to Dallas at all. That place is crawlin' with crack-heads and debutantes, and half of 'em play for the Cowboys.
- What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?
- I can't enjoy a party until I know where the bathroom is. You knew that when you married me.
- You can't just pick and choose which laws to follow. Sure I'd like to tape a baseball game without the express written consent of major league baseball, but that's just not the way it works.
- (to Bobby)
It's not cooking — it's barbecue!
- (Talking to Bobby)
The only reason why your nails should be black is because you hit them with a hammer.
- Disappointment? No! You make me proud! I've been disappointed by just about everything else in this town, but you? Not once. Damn it, you're my boy!
- Nobody likes a know it all who sits around talking about their genitalia.
- Who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I need to know whose ass to kick!
- (After Bobby steps up to the plate in a Little League games, taking a left-handed stance)
Dangit, Bobby, you're right-handed.
- Son, you're teasin' the gorilla in the monkey house.
- (Talking to Cotton after G.H. is born)
If you call him Good Hank it's gonna look like I'm bad Hank.
- A poodle? Why don't you just get me a cat and a sex change operation?
- (In response to a young Christian rock singer who said, "Hey man, Jesus had long hair!")
That's because I'm not his father.
- (to Dale Gribble, after Hank thought Dale had died from ant bites)
You gave your life to save my son. I guess that makes us even for you ruinin' my lawn. What am I saying? Of course, it makes us even!
- Yep
- An all Texas superbowl.....Thy will be done.
- No got dang way, Bobby!
- Boomhauer, I can't understand a word you just said... what with all that legalese mumbo-jumbo.
- GAY! I'm not gay! I sell propane and propane accessories!
- I think they're starting to like me. But more importantly, I think they're starting to like shop.
- I gotta sense of humor too. I like the Tony Danza.
- (Referring to Bobby's dancing at a concert)
They weren't dancing like you and I dance, Peggy. They were enjoying it.
- D-minus! Dangit, Bobby, I expected better from someone who doesn't have any extracurricular activities.
- (Answering Bobby's questions about PMS)
Bobby, some things are like a tire fire, trying to put it out only makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn.
- Bobby I'm going to tell you to do two things I hope you never have to do again, tape the Cowboys game and fetch me an apron.
- (talking to Bobby
"Do you know how to start a man's heart with a downed power line?"
Bobby: "No.")
"...Well, theres really no wrong way to do it."
- It's called the double standard, Bobby. Don't knock it — we got the long end of the stick on that one.
- (As Ted Wassanasong hands Hank a cigar)
Don't mind if I -- oh, you probably didn't realize this, but this is Cuban. I'll just go ahead and destroy it for you.
- Bobby, from now on when I ask you how your day was, what I mean is 'how was shop'?
- My wife lies to me. My beer company betrays me. Americans are giving Mexicans diarrhea. What the hell is going on here?
- I'm not saying you're not good at what you do. I'm just saying I'm better.
- Ginseng tea?? I'm not gonna get hopped up on dope!
- Now that just tears it!
- (referring to his son Bobby)
That boy ain't right.
- Butane is the bastard gas.
- The only woman I'm pimping is sweet lady propane! And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
- If Bobby doesn't love football, he won't lead a fulfilling life, and then he'll die.
- Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug ya.
- Dangit, Bobby!!!
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