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Hank Hill Quotations From King of the Hill
Hank, who works as the assistant manager at Strickland Propane, likes to proclaim proudly that he sells "propane and propane accessories." ... more about Hank Hill
- You can't compete with this guy. He's a football player, and football players know how to treat a woman right.
- Bobby, if you weren't my son, I'd hug you.
- (referring to Ronald Reagan)
I miss voting for that man
- Dangit, Bobby!!!
- Yep
- So are you Chinese or Japanese?
- The only woman I'm pimping is sweet lady propane! And I'm tricking her out all over this town.
- (Talking to Cotton after G.H. is born)
If you call him Good Hank it's gonna look like I'm bad Hank.
- You can't just pick and choose which laws to follow. Sure I'd like to tape a baseball game without the express written consent of major league baseball, but that's just not the way it works.
- Bobby I'm going to tell you to do two things I hope you never have to do again, tape the Cowboys game and fetch me an apron.
- (to Bobby)
It's not cooking — it's barbecue!
- (to Dale Gribble, after Hank thought Dale had died from ant bites)
You gave your life to save my son. I guess that makes us even for you ruinin' my lawn. What am I saying? Of course, it makes us even!
- No got dang way, Bobby!
- Peg, I'm trying to control an outbreak, and you're driving the monkey to the airport!
- I'm gonna kick your ass! I'm gonna kick it harder if you don't come here.
- If Bobby doesn't love football, he won't lead a fulfilling life, and then he'll die.
- (referring to his son Bobby)
That boy ain't right.
- Son, you're teasin' the gorilla in the monkey house.
- Nobody likes a know it all who sits around talking about their genitalia.
- Bobby, from now on when I ask you how your day was, what I mean is 'how was shop'?
- Bobby, you go pick something from the adventure section....anything about a boy with gumption should be fine.
- Dang it, I am sick and tired of everyone's asinine ideas about me. I'm not a redneck, and I'm not some Hollywood jerk. I'm something else entirely. I'm... I'm complicated!
- Now that just tears it!
- An all Texas superbowl.....Thy will be done.
- Oh God no, an anthill on my new lawn!
- (After Bobby steps up to the plate in a Little League games, taking a left-handed stance)
Dangit, Bobby, you're right-handed.
- GAY! I'm not gay! I sell propane and propane accessories!
- A poodle? Why don't you just get me a cat and a sex change operation?
- (talking to Bobby
"Do you know how to start a man's heart with a downed power line?"
Bobby: "No.")
"...Well, theres really no wrong way to do it."
- (on finding Bobby in his room holding a cheerleader's uniform)
There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed.
- You, uh, you're my son, you know, with everything that entails... feelings of fondness and more... You know what I mean, don’t you, boy?
- (As Ted Wassanasong hands Hank a cigar)
Don't mind if I -- oh, you probably didn't realize this, but this is Cuban. I'll just go ahead and destroy it for you.
- An F in English? Bobby, you speak English!
- Disappointment? No! You make me proud! I've been disappointed by just about everything else in this town, but you? Not once. Damn it, you're my boy!
- I'm not saying you're not good at what you do. I'm just saying I'm better.
- Bobby, I want to give you this cup. It was made from the finest American steel ever to come out of Pittsburgh, PA.
- I can't enjoy a party until I know where the bathroom is. You knew that when you married me.
- (Referring to Bobby's dancing at a concert)
They weren't dancing like you and I dance, Peggy. They were enjoying it.
- Butane is the bastard gas.
- D-minus! Dangit, Bobby, I expected better from someone who doesn't have any extracurricular activities.
- Why would anyone ever smoke weed when they could just mow a lawn?
- What the hell kind of country is this where I can only hate a man if he's white?
- I think they're starting to like me. But more importantly, I think they're starting to like shop.
- I tell you what, you can take a safety course, and if you're still interested in guns after they've taken all the fun out of it, we'll go to the tournament.
- (admiring Bill's new septic tank)
It's a shame we have to put her in the ground.
- My wife lies to me. My beer company betrays me. Americans are giving Mexicans diarrhea. What the hell is going on here?
- It's called the double standard, Bobby. Don't knock it — we got the long end of the stick on that one.
- I sell propane and propane accessories.
- Ginseng tea?? I'm not gonna get hopped up on dope!
- Dallas? I don't want you goin' to Dallas at all. That place is crawlin' with crack-heads and debutantes, and half of 'em play for the Cowboys.
- Yep, just walkin around in my lush, super plush, new lawn...
- Bobby, if you weren't my son I'd hug ya.
- (Talking to Bobby)
The only reason why your nails should be black is because you hit them with a hammer.
- Boomhauer, I can't understand a word you just said... what with all that legalese mumbo-jumbo.
- (Answering Bobby's questions about PMS)
Bobby, some things are like a tire fire, trying to put it out only makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn.
- (In response to a young Christian rock singer who said, "Hey man, Jesus had long hair!")
That's because I'm not his father.
- (reading pamphlet)
"Cushioned shooting stands, heated blinds with automatic corn feeder". Well that's not hunting, that's shooting fish in a barrel.
- Who is calling me a liar, you or the machine? 'Cause I need to know whose ass to kick!
- If you'd like to learn more about sexual education, don't! Nobody likes a know-it-all who sits around talking about their genitalia. Now, I think you might like this next show, The X-Files. I always thought it was some kind of porno, on account of the title, but turns out it's all about two young people who don't have sex. Now, that's entertainment!
- I've had about enough of this Christmas crap!
- I gotta sense of humor too. I like the Tony Danza.
- If your sorority has to sell jam to buy beer, you're drinking too much.
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